Sep 172012

Why are people so blatantly stupid? In my day job I get to read about & hear about all manner of fuckwits, malcontents, fiscal mental midgets, irresponsible money managers, fraudsters, charlatans and wanna-be millionaires. They’re just the finance brokers who want their deal set. Then there are their ‘clients’. The often useless, always gormless, naive, gullible useful idiots who are too fucking lazy in the main to get out of their own road long enough to learn about matters financial, then want to blame every other Thomas, Richard and Harold for their own vacant-brained monetarily mute status in life.

This morning’s effort is no different from the usual. A smallish rural property somewhere south of Gympie, where-on a male and female proponent are said to be raising young heifers to sale stage. Sounds reasonable, until you hear the rest of the tale. No loan repayments made for two years…..let me capitalise and empasise that…..TWO FUCKING YEARS!!! The female applicant had undergone breast cancer treatment, uni-lateral mastectomy and currently still undergoes treatment. Husband was growing & selling marijuana. WAS being the operative word, because he was caught, tried and convicted. No jail time, but convicted just the same. All while the wife is having her tit cut off. There are young children involved too, just to complete the picture.

These people have had judgement awarded against them, in favour of their banker/mortgagee, as far back as March 2012. Six months ago. They have since obfuscated and weedled the solicitors for the mortgagee into extension after extension of time to satisfy the judgement, get the debt refinanced and somehow resurrect their lives. Of course, I get a phone call totally out of the blue from the female applicant, who expects that I know all about her debacle because a Queensland Government rural financial adviser – who lost his job last week – made a broad enquiry on their behalf some two weeks prior. Sure, I know all about…….“who are you again? Your adviser was…..? Oh yes, he emailed me with a question a fortnight or so ago. Sorry, I really don’t have any detail on your situation”. The result from such a revelation is always tears, distress and an unloaded guilt trip deposited squarely in my lap for which I’m supposed to….nay, expected to have the ultimate solution.

I call to speak with the solicitor for the mortgagee, who tells me – against all manner of privacy act considerations I should note – what the cold hard facts of the matter really are. It’s refreshing, in fact, it’s vitally necessary. Despite some contradictions there is no place in finance for sympathy lending. There can be empathy, but the line in the sand is drawn there. I have no sympathy for life’s idiots. I’m all sympathied out after 45 years of this shit. The solicitor tells me there is no income and she also tells me about the zero loan repayments for two years. That snippet practically seals the tomb on this gig for me, but I still need to go through the motions of accepting an application and untertaking due diligence. I get back to the female applicant, who is again in tears after speaking with the mortgagee’s solicitor. Today is 17 September. Judgement Day is 23 September unless yet another extension is granted. I quiz the female applicant about her legal representation….she doesn’t have any. I pull up short of muttering ‘fuck me’ into the phone and strongly suggest that she obtain legal advice ASAP, and remind her that if I am to be of any assistance to her, I need her formal application, and supporting paperwork tout suite. She has apparently duck-shoved that responsibility onto her accountant who is to contact me. That was two hours ago, and I’m not holding my breath.

UPDATE: Received 2010 and 2011 taxation returns for the male 20 minutes ago. About as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike, given he’s essentially PAYG as a builder’s labourer/concreter which means I should have 2012 taxation if I’m to do anything at all. Not going to happen, apparently. Oh, and the mortgagee’s solicitor is right. There’s no ability to service some $400,000 in debt on a taxable income of $40,000/annum

This is the kind of crap I have to deal with day-in, day-out. The fiscally challenged who have made all manner of stupid decisions screaming out like sirens on remote rocks for the gullible sailor to rescue them. I used to think that tumultuous situations with dire consequences which I see people getting themselves into were simply as a result of happenstance, bad luck or unethical lending policies. These days I know better. Happenstance, bad luck and unethical lending policies are excuses employed by the willfully ignorant to explain away their own ineptitude, foolishness and blatant arrogant stupidity. When you borrow money, you pay it back. You contract with a lender. If you’re unable to meet that contract, you owe it to the lender to tell them why, make alternative arrangements or exit the contract the best way you know how. If that means employing a solicitor to advise you, then that’s what you do. If exiting the contract means you sell the property which is mortgaged to the lender, then that also is what you do. There is no place in finance for sentiment. There is only rationality, logic and commonsense. In my view, there should be some form of benchmark test intending borrowers must undergo to ascertain their quotients in those three essential commodities before even being allowed to make application to borrow. Sadly, the right to borrow money is automatically granted upon obtaining majority. Just because you can is no justification for claiming you should.